Overwhelmed at work and really want to quit? Read this first!
Can’t stop thinking about quitting???
Every thought every day is about quitting your job. You can’t do it for even One. More. Day. You’ve probably drafted your resignation letter (a few times!). And you swear if THAT one co-worker asks one more irrelevant question, you’re just going to get up and walk out!
I‘ve felt this way too: Every 2-3 years, I would get overwhelmed with my job, disengage and dream of nothing else but quitting. I would look for a new job, convincing myself that this new job would solve all my problems at work:
I would no longer have a horrible boss. I would no longer have an endless to-do list.
I would no longer work for an understaffed department so more than my share of work fell on my shoulders.
I would no longer be bored because I’d be learning something new.
I’d be making more money due to a promotion.
You name it, I said it to myself!
However, after some time, all those same problems would surface in the new job… leading to overwhelm, disengagement, and wanting to quit, again! I was blaming external factors (boss, co-workers, the company, the pay) that I felt I had no control over. So what could I control? Quitting! Leaving the job! Starting a new job!
Here’s the hard truth: I was contributing to my bad situations at work.
And without changing these patterns and bad habits I had, I was doomed to repeat the poor job situations over and over again. I had to learn that I could actually control how I was contributing to the situation - things like boundaries, managing my boss, asking for what I needed - and making sure that if all else failed and I still wanted to quit, that I had a well thought out exit plan.
Quitting should always be a last resort. There’s many costs (real and hidden) to quitting your job - lost income if you are between jobs, changes in benefit coverage and cost of covering insurance, time spent looking for jobs and interviewing (which is not compensated!), time and effort to learn a new job and build new relationships, and more.
Here are my lessons from years of quitting so that you can change your situation without actually needing to upend your life.
Implement Boundaries
If you’re not familiar with what “boundaries” means, you should get familiar immediately.
These are HUGE game changes not just at work, but in life. As a person with deep people-pleasing tendencies, I lacked boundaries at work. I was planning to leave work to get to a 6pm cycling class, but my boss called at 5:30pm and needed me to handle something tonight: I stayed at my desk and did it. A co-worker needed a document emailed to them that they could have found themselves on the shared drive: I would stop what I was doing and email it to them to be helpful. A co-worker wanted to chat for 30 minutes when I had a work deadline approaching, causing me to work through my lunch break.
These are all examples where I didn’t think I had any say to change the situation, but I could have with strong boundaries. It wasn’t easy to implement, and it took a lot of outside support like working with coaches to learn to value myself and set boundaries, but ultimately, I decided that I could control my schedule, availability, and workload and value my time and energy over anything else.
Did I need to stay late to finish that task for my boss? I could have stated my boundary (“It’s the end of my work day and I have other plans tonight, so I can’t stay.”) and asked if the work could be done a different time (“Could I get this done first thing tomorrow morning?”) I could have redirected the co-worker to find the document herself (I also could have not dropped my focus on my work immediately to help out and delayed response to a non-urgent request!) Co-worker stopping by too often to chat about non-work-related stuff? Have a few responses prepared to limit the conversation: “I only have five minutes available.” “I have a call scheduled in 15 minutes.” “Sorry, I’m not available to speak right now, I have a project due soon.” “Could we chat during lunch?”
If you’re frustrated or overwhelmed by an external situation at work, first look at where you could set a boundary to change the situation to work in your favor. I’m certain you’ll be happier instantly!
Manage up
My boss frequently moved our one-on-one meetings to a different time at the last minute, causing me to move all my later meetings to different times. My boss would ask administrative requests of me that I would have to reassign to the team who handles those requests, instead of them going directly to the team, causing delay and extra workload. My team would be overwhelmed and understaffed, but I would agree to take on more projects without ensuring my boss knew about our current workload.
I used to think that I couldn’t speak up to my boss. I always wanted to appear like I had it all together, so I never let my boss know about how much workload my team and I had going. I was seriously afraid that I would get fired - but that was my own fear and is a story for another day.
I don’t think my boss was willfully making my job more difficult; they just didn’t understand how their actions were contributing to my stress, workload, and, ultimately, dissatisfaction with the job. It was time: I needed to speak up and voice my concerns to my boss.
“Managing up” means making sure that your boss - or those above you in the corporate hierarchy - are well informed of your job, your responsibilities, and the projects you’re working on, and how their actions impact your role. It’s their job to ensure that you are successful in your role, and when you are, it makes their jobs easier too.
It was actually a great relief - a weight lifted off my shoulders - when I had these frank conversations with my boss. I let them know that I wouldn’t always be able to attend last minute meeting changes due to other meetings scheduled (and reminded them to check my availability on my calendar!) I explained that making requests through me took time away from projects I was working on (that were important to my boss!) and who were the right people to send those requests to directly. I spoke up more frequently about the project workload of the entire team and let my boss know how often I was working late into the evening or on the weekends.
Not every boss is as receptive to feedback as mine was, but without making sure your boss is fully informed about everything you have going on, you’re missing out on a chance to make your job more easy and enjoyable.
Ask for what you need
Working in Human Resources for over 15 years, I learned a lot about why people leave their jobs. Often it was tangible aspects of the job that caused dissatisfaction - pay, benefits, opportunities for growth and promotion, scheduling, staffing levels, etc.
At one job, I was well paid but didn’t feel valued because my efforts and performance outpaced the 5% annual raise budget. It wasn’t until I resigned, that the Company counter offered me a 40% (!!!) increase to stay. It was a huge wake up call for me that I should have asked for a pay adjustment long before deciding to quit.
Don’t let fear - or even a few no’s - hold you back from asking for what you want and need to perform your job well and be happy in it. In this job market, employees have the upper hand, and most companies have more wiggle room than they let on.
Follow this three step plan to ask for what you need:
Prepare your argument - Why would getting this thing help you to do your job better and keep you engaged in your work? Do your market research. Sites like Glassdoor.com or Fishbowlapp.com can help you understand what pay, benefits, and other perks are common in your job and industry.
Request a meeting - Set a meeting with your boss or Human Resources to discuss your needs and let them know ahead of time the topic you’ll be discussing so they can prepare, too. This isn’t a time to catch your boss off guard or surprisingly tack on a discussion at the end of another meeting.
Negotiate a win-win - You will likely hear “no” as a response the first time. Get creative and suggest alternative solutions (If they can’t give you a pay raise, would you accept another week of vacation? If you can’t work from home, could you change your schedule to four 10-hour work days?) If they say it’s not the right time, secure a deadline for when is the right time to discuss this again.
They don’t want you to resign, so they should be willing to negotiate a solution that makes you want to stay.
Have an exit plan
Follow the above tips and give it some time to see if you’re able to like your job again. In the meantime - and if things don’t change for the better - have a smart exit plan so that you are able to leave your job with the least disruption to your life as possible.
Here are some things you can do now to prepare:
Update your resume and create a cover letter template
Update your Linked In profile, ask for Recommendations, and start to make Connections to grow your network
Research how much health insurance will cost if you're unemployed or between jobs (There is often a waiting period at a new job before you can join benefits.)
Start saving some money to cover your living expenses if you end up between jobs (When I quit my job to launch my coaching business, I had one year of expenses saved and it felt oh-so-liberating!)
Make a wish list of the type of job you want so you know what you’re looking for and what you won’t compromise on (Want a set schedule? Want to work from home? What is your minimum pay rate? What job title do you desire? Want a matching 401k or unlimited PTO?)
Don’t quit on a whim
Quitting your job should never be a knee-jerk, panic-button reaction.
Take a few breaths, pause, and reevaluate what changes you can implement now to make your job a little better. If you’ve tried to change everything that’s within your control and you still want to quit, make sure you have a well thought out plan that will have you landing on your feet!
Still struggling with overwhelm?
Get my FREE 5 minute guided breathwork meditation to reduce to do-list overwhelm!